Tanned, Gruff and Generous

Irv - Educator, Unionist, Reader + Friend

The first thing I noticed about Irv was his tan. It was impressive. He sat at the pool each day reading the New York Times in the sunshine. On really hot days, he would get in the water.

Irv had an economy of language that made him seem gruff. It was difficult to know how he felt about things. This included people. It was a while before I knew I was ok in his book.

Because I was friendly with Irv's wife, I knew that he was supposed to wear a hearing aid, but he often didn't at the pool. She also told me he was big with the Teachers' Union.

One day I was sitting at the side of pool reading and Irv floated over on a noodle.

"I hear you're a teacher," he said. We chatted for a while. He asked a lot of questions and then swam away. Our chats eventually fell into a pattern - we'd do our own thing at the pool, chat and then go back to our own thing.

When his wife would show up after work at the end of the day, we'd all chat together. She is more outgoing than either Irv or me.

Irv was funny. He told a good story which was often punctuated by his laugh. He had opinions about others and was not afraid to share them.

He asked honest and hard questions. A few years ago I took a job that was a professional risk. Irv was direct in his commentary. "What makes you think this is a good idea? I have some doubts." After a few months of working for that organization, it was clear that Irv had been right.

Irv was loyal. He yelled at kid who threw a ball at my son's head at the pool. He also yelled at the lifeguard for not yelling at the kid. One of the last stories he told me was about a person he'd run into at the Farmers' Market whom he believed had treated me poorly. The commentary was brief, yet scathing.

When Irv approved of something, he told you about it. He liked it when I starting working at SLA-MS. He enjoyed learning that I was dating his barber and made certain to report at his next haircut that he endorsed the relationship. He supported that my son was interested in studying Physics and encouraged him to apply to all the schools for smart kids - especially the schools for smart kids.

He had a remarkable smile. He reserved his best smiles for his wife, Claire, and for a hot sunny day of floating in the pool. I felt fortunate one day last March to be the recipient of this smile when I ran into him at the market. He was supposed to be in Mexico working on his tan, but kidney failure forced him home to a dreary patch of days in Philadelphia. He eventually would learn that there was cancer in some parts of his body. And this summer he'd come to the pool only about five times.

On Wednesday, Claire called to tell me that Irv had died. You can know that a thing is coming, and still be unprepared. We cried on the phone together. I told my boys and we cried some more. I cried again when I drove past the pool today.

Irv had become a dear friend and trusted mentor. He rejoiced in my successes and told me when he believed something was a dumb idea. He was loyal and funny and always enjoyed Vitamin D.

Irv was an educator, but first he was a human. He loved his family and his free time. He knew what was important and what was just plain dumb. Unlike me, Irv used only the words that were necessary and never, ever more. Over the years, I tried to emulate the ways in which he lived life and carefully chose only the absolutely necessary language to communicate.

Irv's gruff, yet generous spirit will live on - both at the pool and in my heart. I hope it will continue to propel me into using fewer words and being more loyal to those who need it. I'll be sure to encourage others and let them know when the things they are doing are cool. And I'll remember to save my best smiles for those dearest to me, even on the coldest of days. And maybe, I can someday have a tan as impressive as his.