If you work in a school or have children, you hear this sentence a lot. You've probably even heard it today. Within the past hour, even.
My advisory is composed of 8th graders. We have been together since they were in 5th grade. I hear this sentence all the time.
This fall, they applied to high schools. It was vulnerable work. My challenge to them: "How can you make your awesomesness visible on paper?" Their commentary: "This isn't fair!"
Later when acceptances came out, I had a range of feelings - relief that some many of them had options, confusion over which schools wanted which kids (turns out they don't always look that awesome on paper) and determination to get this more right the next time I ushered kids through the process. Their response - "It's not fair."
They were right, of course. Admissions is only sort of fair and as much as we the adults try to equalize things, we will never get it entirely right. There will always be deserving kids who don't get into the places they perhaps should.
This does not, of course, discount the possibility that the places that said yes to them won't become the perfect place in the long run. I encouraged my kids to look at this side of the equation - the schools that said yes to you saw something that they WANTED in you. That should feel good.
It doesn't, of course, when you are stuck in "it's not fair."
As the drama of school selection subsided, I continued to hear "it's not fair" about innumerable things - that math project, the fact that we had outdoor recess on a cold day, that time I brought donuts and they weren't shared equitably, the new hall pass system - all of it! You can remind kids to look on the positive side and see things from the perspective of others, but this will not always prevent them from making the unfairness determination.
The other day in Advisory we had some downtime. When this happens, kids usually play Uno, catch up on some work or chat among themselves. On this day, however, a conversation started about reproductive rights. A brave 8th grader of mine who had suffered a great loss of self esteem in the high school selection process remarked, "I don't understand why people without a uterus have so many opinions about them. It doesn't seem fair." Another chimed in to say that government was not representative of the people in terms of racial and economic diversity. A third talked about our tax structure and how it could be better used to help everyone. What about loan rates? Heavy fines for minor offences? Aren't these simply ways to disadvantage the already disadvantaged? "It's just not fair."
They were right, of course. And I was impressed by their thoughtful criticism of the world - as well as their willingness to express it. I think if we'd had more time and the ear of some decision makers, they might have found solutions for all the injustices - even those they didn't experience personally.
I learned something important this week - if we want kids to speak up about injustice in the world, we need to allow them to express when things aren't fair. Lots of times, we might disagree with them and it is perfectly reasonable to have discussions with them about how to look at unfair situations differently. In so doing, we can all learn to shift our feelings about what is not fair for me to knowing what is not fair for others. And when humans can do that, they can change the world.
My advisory is composed of 8th graders. We have been together since they were in 5th grade. I hear this sentence all the time.
This fall, they applied to high schools. It was vulnerable work. My challenge to them: "How can you make your awesomesness visible on paper?" Their commentary: "This isn't fair!"
Later when acceptances came out, I had a range of feelings - relief that some many of them had options, confusion over which schools wanted which kids (turns out they don't always look that awesome on paper) and determination to get this more right the next time I ushered kids through the process. Their response - "It's not fair."
They were right, of course. Admissions is only sort of fair and as much as we the adults try to equalize things, we will never get it entirely right. There will always be deserving kids who don't get into the places they perhaps should.
This does not, of course, discount the possibility that the places that said yes to them won't become the perfect place in the long run. I encouraged my kids to look at this side of the equation - the schools that said yes to you saw something that they WANTED in you. That should feel good.
It doesn't, of course, when you are stuck in "it's not fair."
As the drama of school selection subsided, I continued to hear "it's not fair" about innumerable things - that math project, the fact that we had outdoor recess on a cold day, that time I brought donuts and they weren't shared equitably, the new hall pass system - all of it! You can remind kids to look on the positive side and see things from the perspective of others, but this will not always prevent them from making the unfairness determination.
The other day in Advisory we had some downtime. When this happens, kids usually play Uno, catch up on some work or chat among themselves. On this day, however, a conversation started about reproductive rights. A brave 8th grader of mine who had suffered a great loss of self esteem in the high school selection process remarked, "I don't understand why people without a uterus have so many opinions about them. It doesn't seem fair." Another chimed in to say that government was not representative of the people in terms of racial and economic diversity. A third talked about our tax structure and how it could be better used to help everyone. What about loan rates? Heavy fines for minor offences? Aren't these simply ways to disadvantage the already disadvantaged? "It's just not fair."
They were right, of course. And I was impressed by their thoughtful criticism of the world - as well as their willingness to express it. I think if we'd had more time and the ear of some decision makers, they might have found solutions for all the injustices - even those they didn't experience personally.
I learned something important this week - if we want kids to speak up about injustice in the world, we need to allow them to express when things aren't fair. Lots of times, we might disagree with them and it is perfectly reasonable to have discussions with them about how to look at unfair situations differently. In so doing, we can all learn to shift our feelings about what is not fair for me to knowing what is not fair for others. And when humans can do that, they can change the world.
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